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Through a Facebook notification, I came across a Facebook group entitled "Married For Life". Many of the people who have written on this site credit their longevity to their faith in Jesus Christ and their desire to truly live as he wants them to live.

I think that this is wonderful because this faith provides what is needed to ensure a lasting marriage. If you are committed to living out your faith in God and Jesus, you know that staying married is important. This faith requires that the husband love his wife as Jesus loved the church and demands that the wife submit herself to her husband. Note the counterbalance, though, because this commitment from both the husband and wife are required for this to work! If the husband is truly involved in unconditionally and sacrificially loving his wife the way that Jesus loves us, then the wife has the confidence to completely submit because she knows that her husband will not abuse this trust. Anything else is a recipe for disaster.

Also note that “submission” does not mean becoming some weak-minded person. It’s a military term that simply means that one outranks the other. Back in my military days, it was my duty to tell my superiors what they needed to hear, even when they did not like it (which was often… ). It was not like many imagine the military, where subordinates assume the position of attention, yell, “Yes Sir, Yes Sir, Three Bags Full!” and run off and do whatever idiocy they are commanded to do. That is NOT subordination, and any man who demands this type of behavior from his wife is full of “it”.

Besides, men, nowhere are you commanded to MAKE your wife submit… You do your job and let her worry about doing hers.

But I want to get back to the Facebook page and talk about a problem I have with it. As I said, I think that two people who are committed to God and each other to the point that they can publicly proclaim their commitment is a great thing. The problem, however, as I see it, is two-fold:

1. It takes a lifetime commitment from both the husband and wife to make this work. It only takes one of them to abandon the marriage and make it fall apart. Of course, once this happens, the other spouse is free to do as they please, whether it be stay with the marriage, seek separation / divorce, move on with their life… Anybody who thinks otherwise — especially those “holier-than-thou” types who tell you that divorce is a sin (it isn’t; yes, the Bible says that God hates divorce, but nowhere is it recorded that God calls it a sin) and that you should stick with an abusive spouse who no longer loves you and has abandoned the marriage is flat-out mangling God’s word and will. Read I Corinthians 7 carefully (trust me, I have, because I went through this); if one spouse abandons the marriage, even if they profess to be a believer, the other is free to do as they please. My apologies for getting sidetracked, but I feel very strongly about this issue because people are condemning others to stay in an abusive marriage when the Bible clearly says that this is NOT God’s will and that you can walk away from such a marriage and still be doing what God wants you to do. And for those who would scream that such thoughts destroy the “sanctity of marriage”… Well, there’s nothing “sacred” about living with an abusive jerk and saying such things makes you an accessory to a disaster. Have the guts to give good advice and quit adding junk to God’s word.
2. The other issue I have with this — and this one is a bit more subtle — is that such a group is an exclusive club. While I am committed to my wife for life, would I be welcome in that group? I’ve been divorced because my former spouse abandoned the marriage and I exercised my God-given choice to leave that marriage and marry again. I wonder (and perhaps “fear” ) that such a group may be sending the wrong message to those who have not yet accepted God’s forgiveness and may be lumping those who are unable to make such a commitment into a group of “second class citizens”. Taking it even farther, I wonder if such a group accurately reflects the true message that God has for us, namely this: It’s not about perfection, it’s all about accepting forgiveness and walking in newness of life.

Please allow me to repeat that last statement:

It’s not about perfection, it’s all about accepting forgiveness and walking in newness of life.

We’re all in the same boat: flawed, imperfect, “sinners”, if I dare use the word… Telling a white lie puts us in the same boat as a murderer in God’s eyes (which, incidentally, is why I have problems with people who want to oppose gay marriage by force of law while supporting legislation to bail out greedy, clueless corporations and banks — is your sin better than my sin? Besides, you are never going to bring about change by forcing it from the outside in…). I’m extremely happy to see people commit to lifelong marriage, but at the same time, I think it may deliver the wrong message to people who truly need Jesus but feel as if they aren’t “good enough” to approach him.

In other words, “Hey, all these people have been married for life, but I’ve been divorced. I’ll never be good enough to be one of these people, so why bother with Jesus?”

Here’s a better message: I’ve been divorced and done a lot of other stuff that lumps me into the category that God calls “sinners”, yet I’ve been forgiven by Jesus and am encouraged to walk in “newness of life” — you know, the whole “Go, and sin no more” bit. I’m not there yet and never will be, but every day, as I let the power of God’s spirit control just a bit more of my life, I get a bit closer… But except for accepting God’s forgiveness, I’m no different — or better — than you. That which I have is also freely available for you to receive.

The people in that group are special. I’m proud of them. But remember: There isn’t going to be a “Facebook” in heaven and nobody is going to care if you were married one time or 100 times — just the fact that you made it there through the forgiveness offered by Jesus puts you in the most special group ever formed — God’s adopted children.

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